It’s cold and wet, the rain pours down,
The lawn’s a sea of mud.
The flamin’ cows – so tired they are –
Won’t even chew the cud.
–
The happy frogs down in the swamp
Are croaking “What a Ripper”
The farmer’s cold and empty
Like a freshly gutted kipper.
–
With all this rain just where’s the dough
To pay the mortgage off?
Fair dinkum it would make you pack
Your bags and bugger off.
–
This rotten rain, enough it is,
To give a man the pip.
Let’s sling our hook. Let’s do a bunk,
And let the mortgage rip.
–
Our bags are packed. We’ve caught the coach,
Got up at dawn betimes.
And now we’re off with Ted and Baz
For warmer, drier climes.
–
Boys and girls, and chaps and blokes
And all you little bairns,
We’re roving north in Eggins’ coach
To sunlit, tropic Cairns.
–
So all ye merry gentlefolk.
Let nothing ye dismay.
We’ll chase the sun and have some fun,
And do it all……..”Myway”.
–
We’ve had the cold, we’ve had the rain,
We’ve had the rotten weather.
We’re sallying forth and travelling north
Out to the Never-Never.
–
When we stop we’ll say “Good day”
To snakes, goannas, lizards.
And every night we’ll pour the grog
Straight down our bone dry gizzards.
–
And why not,folks? – For people praise
The gentle art of giving.
Let’s give a little to ourselves!
Life’s also made for living.
–
We picked up Bet at Harrington,
But Ted got into strife.
He’d missed the town right off the tour,
Said Jan, his lady wife.
–
Near Kempsey, over Worrel Creek,
Ted pointed with a sneer.
“Those blokes are really up a creek.
The pub there has no beer.”
–
And it’s a fact! Slim Dusty who
Now lives down in the smog,
Amassed his fortune singing of
This pub run out of grog.
–
Nambucca Heads was where we stopped
To sip our morning tea.
Blue river waters surge to meet
The shimmering, boundless, sea.
–
Crash Bang McCarthy once lived here.
Car mending was his racket.
From tales I hear I greatly fear
He never made his packet.
–
Ted Hill knew Crash Bang very well
Before he called it quits.
A tractor tyre he once blew up
Exploded into bits.
–
Repairing once a fire engine,
Crash Bang fell in the mire;
Took morning tea, came back to see
The engine was on fire.
–
South Grafton RSL Club was
The venue for our lunch.
Ted said they’d catered often for
The Taree “Myway” Bunch.
–
But one successful barbecue
Had got so stinking hot
It took the tables, took the Club,
And torched the flamin’ lot!
–
We therefore crossed the city to
Its second RSL.
This Club did NOT burn down, and we –
Well, we did pretty well.
–
When leaving Grafton later on
Irene could not be found.
The pokies had her in their spell.
‘Twas Ted was brought her round.
–
Murwillumbah we by-passed and
Condong hove into sight.
And when you say that name be sure
Your teeth are fixed in tight.
–
Speeding north through New South Wales,
(With zero interruption),
Within a few short hours we reached
The State of Mass Corruption.
–
And if our Baz steps on the gas
So we can get a beer.
Well, drinking time is not a crime –
–Just raise your hats and cheer.
–
And should a passing cop come up,
Is speeding such a sin?
We’ll slip the cop his fifty bucks,
And everyone chip in!
–
For that’s the way they organise
Within the Sunshine State.
Don’t moan and growl. Don’t weep and howl.
It’s kismet, chaps. It’s fate.
–
It’s great that Cec McCaffrey
Has brought his Kath along
The word is (if we’re very good),
She’ll lead us all in song.
–
Kath did this in New Zealand
While our coach climbed Arthur’s Pass.
We knew if we went o’er the edge
We’d land right on……………….the grass.
–
Kath cheered us up. But umpteen sheep
Took flight straight up the hill.
They didn’t like the music, see……?
…….(I think they’re running still !)
–
Har-de-har and Ho-de ho !
Just kidding, sweet Kathleen.
You really are the nicest girl
That we have ever seen.
–
So dear old Ted, we’re in your hands.
(You’ve never been a failure !)
We leave it up to you and Baz
To show us round Australia.
